The Grace Project Blog
The Grace Project Blog is a place to share insight and advice on narcissistic abuse, as well as bearing witness to its effects.
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Narcissists are pathologically envious. You’d like to think they’d be pleased when you get that promotion or win the award but any perceived threat to their status as the only one deserving of attention, ever, is noted and brutally dealt with.
In many ways, it’s easier, because you have a label/certain expectations/a state of alertness. Just as you may have engaged in maladaptive behaviours to manage your own distress, so has the addict. However, at some stage, it got out of hand.
They never intended to become an addict but it happened. They are are broken in their own way and this is not the place to speculate as to how they find peace. Our work here is to keep you safe and manage your way out of the darkness. If you are both drowning , one of you will get pushed under.
This is the deepest wound. As a therapist, I feel this requires the most focussed of work. NA by a parent creates confusion and self-doubt. It results in a an exceptional brokenness of the person.
There is cognitive dissonance. Leon Festinger* identified this state as one where your set of beliefs contradict how you feel. So, you know your parents love you (they tell you) and that they look after you (you have a home/food) but you feel anxious/scared/unsafe, around them.
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